What if had been Bella imagining me with my arms wrapped around her fragile body? Feeling me pull her tightly against my chest and then cupping my hand under her chin? Brushing the heavy curtain of her hair back from her blushing face? Traicing the shape of her full lips with my fingertips? Leaning my face closer to hers, where I could feel the heat of her breath on my mouth? Moving closer still...
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With every fiber of my being, I ached to be a normal man, so that I could hold her in my arms without risking her life.
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Esme: Love doesn't always come in convenient packages.
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Emmett:You really love her?
Edward: I can't even describe it, Emmett. She's the whole world to me. I don't see the point of the rest of the world without her anymore.
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After all, it really didn't matter if I left, because Bella could never see me the way I wished she would. Never see me as someone worthy of love. Never. Could a dead, frozen heart break? It felt like mine would.
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I didn't want the life that made sense. Not if the chaos meant that I could be with Bella.
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I realised in that moment that I wanted to answer her questions. Not because I owed it to her. Not because I wanted her to trust me. I wanted her to know me.
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I stared into her eyes, wide under the thick fringe of lashes, andyearned for sleep. Not for oblivious as I had before, not to escape boredom, but because I wanted to dream. Maybe, if I could be unconscious, if I could dream, I could live for a few hours in a world where she and I could be together. She dreamed of me. I wanted to dream of her.
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How could I ever tell her how sorry I was?
Sorry for all the stupid mistakes I'd made.
Sorry for my never-ending selfishness.
Sorry that she was so unfortunate as to have inspired this first, tragic love of mine.
Sorry also for the things beyond my control -that I'd been the monster chosen by fate to end her life in the first place.
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She couldn't love me the way I love her -such an overpowering, all-consuming, crushing love would probably break her fragile body. But she felt strongly enough. Enough to subdue the instictive fear. Enough to want to be with me. And being with her was the greatest happiness I had ever known.
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Her existance was excuse enough to justify the creation of the entire world.
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There was something truly wrong with the order of the universe if someone so good and so breakable did not merit a guardin angel to keep her out of trouble. Well, I thought with dark humor, at least she has a guardian vampire.
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My life was an unending, unchanging midnight. It must, by necessity, always be midnight for me. So how was it possible that the sun was rising now, right in the middle of my midnight?
.
.
.
Who wouldn't want an Edward?
